Vision Quest

I am part Cherokee Indian. There is a tradition among Native Americans to go on a vision quest. As I understand it, it is a time to seek a vision, to attain clarity about a person’s spiritual path. What is next? I have watched my wife follow her vision for almost 8 years now. It has been amazing seeing her vision to become an artist unfold before my very eyes. I envy her dedication and focus. Somewhere, deep within, my Native American blood is calling for a vision quest of my own. My Spirit has been suffering and I need to get insight...I need a vision.

Since being diagnosed with diabetes, almost a year ago, when my eyesight was affected, I have had to face up to the fact that my life here is only temporary. Our bodies wear out and eventually they go back to the earth. We only borrow them and our time here is short in the scheme of forever. There is still much to learn in the time I have left and I have learned a lot these last few years. Much has been revealed. The old saying that “when the student is ready...the master will appear” has been so true in my case. I cannot tell you how many times the right book, tape, video or person has come along to enlighten me when I was ready. It has been incredible, but now I feel a piece of me is missing.

When I was younger, I enjoyed painting with oils and acrylics. That part of my life was “put on the shelf” once I married and my daughters came along. I got busy trying to earn a living. I dabbled with cartooning for a while and tried to syndicate a cartoon strip, but when I got divorced that too went up on the shelf in a big box. Later, I felt the need to write so I wrote nine books of poetry and a series of short stories. Some got published and then my big break came when I published my book on The Alamo in 2007. It has been wonderful, but now I feel that I am at a crossroads...I need a vision.

After 56 years on this planet and all that I have been blessed with, it almost feels silly to think that I should need a vision to tell me who I am and where I go from here. I hate to think that I somehow peaked and it is all downhill from here. I know I am a creative person, but the juices just are not flowing these days. I feel a restlessness and a growing frustration. I know that diabetes can sap your energy and make you cranky, but still that does not seem to explain everything I am feeling. I have so many blessings and yet there is a piece of me missing in the bigger picture of my life.

Lisa and I have been into Eckhart Tolle and his book, The Power of Now. He explains that the past is gone and the future has not happened yet. All we have is the present moment, the here and the now and that is all that we will ever have. I have spent a good part of my life fretting over my past and worrying about the future. I feel that I have lived everywhere, but the here and now. Today, I went for my morning walk and I tried to stay in the present. When I did, this wonderful sense of peace and thankfulness came over me.

On to my vision quest! Wish me well.

FOOD for THOUGHT...