Surviving the Future

President Palin sat brooding in the Oval Office. Things had seemed so simple on the campaign trail, but now the world seemed complex and troublesome. Congress was still in revolt and not one of her bills was being passed. It was one filibuster after another! She had spent her political capital on giving Alaska and Texas their independence shortly after taking office. Where were her friends in the Tea Party now? Her running mate, Vice President Limbaugh, was writing a book about the “moose-gate” campaign scandal. She didn’t mean to kill off all the moose in Alaska. Even her children and Todd were writing their own books about her campaign faux pas. She felt so alone. She thought about her predecessor and began to understand how he must have felt.

Mexico and Canada were pressuring her to do something about all the illegal immigrants streaming into their countries from the United States. How could she blame her fellow citizens with unemployment at 50% and the collapse of that healthcare-thingy. She had to admit at last that people really do need jobs and they need affordable healthcare. The lure of the Canadian healthcare system and Mexican jobs was too great. What could she do?

With no economic reforms coming from Congress, the banks, insurance companies and the large multinational corporations were running everything. Her own campaign was bought and paid for by that unholy alliance. She worked for them now, as would anyone running for office, since the Supreme Court overturned campaign finance reforms during the last administration.

China and India were now coming here to set up sweat-shops. The cheap, undereducated American labor pool attracted their reverse exploitation. Who knew that education was so important? Only the children of the wealthy could afford an education and they were going to Indian universities. Haitian financial aid was now pouring into the United States. My how the times have changed, she thought.

In all fairness, she had tried to create jobs. What about all the “drill, baby, drill” she did up in Alaska and off the coast of Florida, Texas and California? And what about all the nuclear power plants she built? So there were oil spills and melt-downs. Big deal! California was already bankrupt and falling into the ocean and who goes to Florida anymore. Their beaches were overrated anyway. It wasn’t her fault that the smog and pollution, now hanging permanently over the country, made solar panels unusable. None of it was her fault.

Her one big regret was having to leave U.S. troops in Iraq and Afghanistan. Even when our troops were no longer needed or wanted there, she could not afford to bring them home. She hoped that in time our troops might assimilate into their respective cultures. On the bright side, their abandonment cut her defense budget to almost nothing. Still, she’d miss her son. Perhaps he could still write now and then.

Since America had become such a miserable place, terrorism was no longer a threat. The radical Muslims now set their sights on Toyota cars and trucks. President Palin had breathed a sigh of relief when Osama sent out a video claiming that the United States was no longer worth blowing up. He said his car, a Toyota Camry, almost killed him when the accelerator stuck. He now had a new devil.

President Palin began to smile. She thought things weren’t that bad after all. Perhaps it was time to resign and write another book.

Food for THOUGHT…